Untold Athletes: Indira Varma - Lacrosse

Indira Varma is a senior sports media major from Menlo Park, Calif. Varma plays as a midfielder on the women’s lacrosse team and has amassed 37 goals and 12 assists for 59 points in 35 career games. This past spring, Varma had surpassed her season-best in goals with 13 just five games into the season before COVID-19 canceled all collegiate sports.

My sister is seven years older than me, and started playing lacrosse in middle school. As the younger sibling, I refused to follow in the steps of my sister who went on to play lacrosse throughout high school and college. This quickly changed however when my parents pulled me out of my soccer club. I loved soccer, but the club was incredibly competitive and wasn’t delivering the outcomes my parents wanted. So at the start of 6th grade I decided to pick up lacrosse. I had already had some practice with lacrosse, as I would play catch with my sister often. My parents enrolled me in the local youth lacrosse club, where I started on the all-girls team for my age group. My first day of practice I was nervous. I wasn’t nervous about actually playing, but more so nervous about meeting other girls. The lacrosse aspect was the easy part for me. To me and my coaches' surprise, lacrosse seemed to come natural to me, despite starting at a late age. I was surrounded by girls who had been playing since kindergarten, with most of their parents being former lacrosse players as well. Lacrosse was in their genes, whereas neither of my parents had a clue what the sport was about. However, I was a tall, scrawny 6th grader with a bright yellow stick that somehow fit right in on the field. I loved the competition, teamwork and skill set that lacrosse brought to me. In a short period of time, I fell in love with the sport. Lacrosse seemed to feel natural for me, as I succeeded in it much more than I did soccer. It gave me an entirely new community to lean on, with acquaintances who would soon turn into lifelong friends. The sport got me into high school, college and continues to support me in more ways than I can count.

Lacrosse has become a part of my identity. When I introduce myself in class my fun fact is that I play lacrosse. When I have an interview I often speak to my experience playing lacrosse. I am known as Indy, the lacrosse player. The sport itself has taught me so much, but my teammates and coaches have taught me the most. I’ve learned to become a better person, teammate and athlete by being surrounded by a supportive group of people who push me to be my best.

My story is unique because I have a love hate relationship with lacrosse. I could talk for days about how much this sport has given me over the past decade, but I could also talk about how much I hate it. When I started playing I loved it because it was fun, came natural to me and was exciting. Then I got older and lacrosse changed. Lacrosse is frustrating, angering and disappointing at times. I have had days where I never want to pick up my stick again because the thought of missing another shot or dropping another pass pains me. Off days are real, especially in sports, but when those off days get into your head and hurt your self-confidence, then you’re in trouble. I dreaded lacrosse practice in high school. I would put the work in, but hate every second. Only when I was performing well in games was I truly happy with the sport. I didn’t enjoy the ups and downs and struggles. I only wanted to have fun and play well. I did not enjoy high school lacrosse that much, and yet I had this dream of playing lacrosse in college. Why? I have no idea. Maybe the thought of being a college athlete was appealing or the fact of built best friends as teammates. Whatever it was, I continued on with the recruiting process and eventually found myself falling in love with Ithaca. 

There were times when I truly did not enjoy playing lacrosse. I felt like my game was off and couldn’t get back into any sort of rhythm. This was really hard for me as this slump would come during the season. Luckily however I have a great support system that consists of both my teammates and my family. My family has always supported me and helped me through these times and have given me the boost I need to get my passion back. The same can be said with my teammates, as they have always made me a better player and are always there to listen.

After falling into those slumps and challenges, I have learned how to pick myself back up. When my confidence in my ability wavers, I know what I need to do to get it back. It’s almost like turning the switch back on. When I have a tough day where I can’t catch the ball or make the right decision, I know to make sure I am on my game the next day. I have learned not to let things get to me as much. If you dwell in your failures, then you will never realize your true potential. I hold myself to an incredibly high standard, and there are often times I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can. Reinforcing self-confidence not only allows me to play better, but I become a better teammate on and off the field.

I found out my junior year lacrosse season was cancelled after reading a tweet in a Dunkin Donuts. I happened to be with my fellow teammates and all three of the seniors on my team. Everyone immediately started to cry as the Dunkin workers looked at us with immense confusion. The NCAA had already cancelled the post season tournament, and we expected our league to cancel, but the news still came as a shock. The tweet explained the league's decision to end the current season due to the risk of COVID-19. Devastated and confused, we got our Dunkin coffee and headed home. The next couple of days was a whirlwind of emotions. As a team we threw together a makeshift senior night that included one final dance party in our locker room and one last team huddle on our field. It was terrible, to be frank. We were 5-0 and having one of our best seasons yet. This season was different from the other ones. We were a unit that moved together as one both on and off the field. The team was at its peak until COVID-19 hit. Instead of continuing on with our winning season, we packed up our bags and headed home, unsure of when we would come back. After the news of our season was released, I immediately booked my flight home, leaving my friends and most of my belongings at school. While we all thought we would be back in a matter of weeks, most of us were greeted by a county-wide shelter in place order for our home towns. I haven’t played with my team since March and I’m not really sure when I will play with them next. The thought that my college career could possibly be over is terrifying, but I’m hoping I’ll be back on the field come next spring. I miss that rush and feeling of stepping out onto the field, with my teammates by my side, ready to take on anything.

Improvisation is the theme of my life right now. I find myself improvising every day with how I am going to work out, play lacrosse, get my work done and also spend time with friends. This pandemic has sent society into an unstructured world, and I have been learning how to balance everything from my home. Every day there is a constant fear of making sure I am staying safe, while also staying sane. For me, traditional gyms were out of the question due to closures and safety reasons, which meant I had to get creative with getting a workout in. I am lucky enough to have a supportive strength and conditioning department at school that gives us cardio and strength packets to do at home. Everyday however, I worry how I’m going to get my work done, where I will do it and when I will do it. Every day is different, and my life seems up in the air for the time being.